Let's Read Atak On Titen Hi Scule Ep. 2

Episode 2: Worst Science Teacher Ever

Me: Welcome newcomers and current watchers alike! It's me Double Dee with the second episode of Atak On Titen Hi Scule!
Guntz: I'm Guntz, and I'm amazed I haven't killed myself yet.
Palutena: I'm Palutena, looking forward to spelling errors as usual.
Midori: I'm Midori, and man, does Sara not know how to write a fanfic.
Shulk: I'm Shulk, and the future is looking grim. I don't even need a vision to see that.
Emil: I'm Emil, and I wish I was Chuggaaconroy so I don't have to read this.
Serena: And I'm Serena, and I'm in for hell.
Me: And introducing our first guest, hailing from the Sonic games, Amy Rose!
Amy: Hello! I'm so happy to be here. *mouths "Help me"*
Me: Amy, I can tell you're lying and want out. I don't blame you.
Amy: If what Sonic told me is true, this fic series is just... ugh!
Serena: Ugh. The single word to describe this fic.
Guntz: It pretty much describes the Sara-verse in general.
Palutena: But the spelling errors make it all the more worth it!
Shulk: How?
Emil: It's a miracle we can even read this at all!
Palutena: It's not too hard.
Me: Yeah, once you peice together the words, reading the Sara-verse should be no problem.
Amy: I don't wanna know how you mastered the art of reading bad English.
Guntz: Whatever, let's just start Chapter 3.

Start Chapter 3:

Summary: Meksas goose 2 hre seance clas adn mur stuf hapans. (Amy: The spelling is this bad!? I thought it was gonna be a few spelling errors! Sonic didn't tell me it'd be this bad! Guntz: You're welcome.)

Notes: i desided 2 writ thes chaptar to file spas 2 buldup too tha churleaten triots wich r gunna be in the nex vhspter. i haev sum stuf planed 2 taht chaptor but i wnat 2 beldup suspants so ull wondar if Mikada welk be a cherledur or nut. (Midori: Considering we're dealing with a Mary Sue... Shulk: A resounding yes, and we're not even at the chapter in question.)

CHA[ 3 TEH SCIENTOLOGY CALSS

Makasas secant perod clas was teh sians clas adn seh was nervus becuz in midul skul she had a siuns teecher (Palutena: Now we have a Mr. Jonson.) who was that comandur guy witha berd who tred 2 shit Arin wen he turd (Emil: Ew! He pooped Armin!? And Armin himself pooped!? ) in2 a tyrion the furst tim in teh sho expect he didnt do that in tehs storey becuz its a altranet unevurs abd in thes unavers hes a medal skol sians teechur insted offa miltrary comendor gyu but he wuz evan wors in thes storey becuz he tred to teech pepol evulushun (Guntz: Yes, because teaching people things that contradict religious beliefs is way worse than being a corrupt military commander. Me: The mispellings and vague descriptions make it that difficult to find which character this refers to. This is what I get for doing research on a show I've never watched by only using a wiki. Midori: At least you do research at all.) adn he recantly got marred 2 Micasas mitul skul englash teechur Hadji Zoy (Me: Now that, I can find! Hange Zoe!) who was a gud teecher and pritty and desarved beeter. (Guntz: That is clearly Tiffany Dawson-Johnson. Midori: Hey, you don't get to choose who this Tiffany person marries, as long as Mr. Jonson makes her happy, and it's most likely he does!) Mikoga was worred that her hi scul scinse teechur wod be liek the comandur guy who isnt a comender hes a mitul skul sianse teecher. (Shulk: You already said that. Amy: We're not stupid.) She want into teh clas and sitted nex 2 Arin becuz he wuz in teh clas 2.

"I taked 2 Armen and she cam up witha plane 2 prov that Aney is a lyar. me an Armon and Krita r gunna trey ot 4 been cherledurs" Mekasa sed.

"Thats egret idea!" Aron sed!

"And becuz Petyr doesnt let lesbans in2 cherledur skwad everone wil no im not a lesban!" Mikaza sed. (Amy: Unless, you know, a lesbian is hiding among you and has been posing as a straight girl the whole time. Guntz: Amy, that would be a reasonable theory, but this is the Sara-verse. Lesbians in this universe only know about lesbian sex, rapping women, lesbian sex, turning straight girls into lesbians, lesbian sex, stuff only guys know, and last but not least, lesbian sex. And that was just a small list of what lesbians in this universe are capable of knowing. Any questions? Palutena: So in short, when we list those things, we just write "Lesbian sex" in large, bold letters?)

tehn Aney waked in an seh wuz stel laffing evully frum teh lassed chaptar. (Emil: How long has she been doing that?! Serena: Don't tell me she's been laughing evilly the entire class period. Amy: And without people staring and getting in trouble? Guntz: Sara-verse logic. Moving on.) Mekasa new they had tihs clas togeter evan tho Aney was a sofmor and Mekasa was an fredmam but not becuz Mekasa was stakling her or anethin becuz tahts a lesgban thin 2 do and Meksasa isnt a lesban. (All: DENIAL! Amy: And I don't stalk Sonic! Guntz: We didn't say anything about you stalking Sonic. Serena: Honestly, you following Sonic everywhere is tame compared to Sara practically stalking Lauren. Amy: Wait, I thought we're talking about Mikasa and Annie. Midori: This is Sara's life using Attack on Titan characters as a mask. Amy: How pathetic. Palutena: Well, we are dealing with an alternate universe.) Aney taked lungert then Miksara (Shulk: She's not even trying to hide it that time.) 2 get 2 teh clas becuz she probly staped at her looker or watn 2 teh batroom 2 hav lesban sax. a minuet latur the bell runned and teh teechur came. he wuz a oled giuy with a whit moosetash adn no hare. (Me: Okay, that's Dot Pixis, right?)

"helo im Mr Pexus an im ur siens teechur thes yeer" the techur secd "i ned 2 teech u sum thins. frist ofall EVULSHUN IS A LYE! BROCK OBABA IS LYEN 2 U!!! GOD CRATED THE ERTH SIX THOSAND YERS AGO NUT BILLONS OF YERS AGO!" (Emil: Is anything what he said right!? Guntz: Nope. Me: I shouldn't be surprised she's gonna demonize science. If you want my take on it, I believe God created MAN 6000 years and the Earth itself was made billions of years ago. There, now it addresses both things. I don't care if it causes contradictions that would make Phoenix Wright object me to no end.)

Mekasa was soo hapey she finely got a seans teecher who tolded the trooth. (Midori: Except that is not the total truth at all! Especially when there has to be proof of such things! Me: Midori, Sara's the type of Christian that believes the devil made dinosaurs, carbon dating and the like so that science can disprove God. Guntz: I wouldn't surprised if Sara thinks chemistry and physics are products of the Devil and she believes that God made the different chemicals and machines.)

"But evulshun has to be reel its in Pokmons gaem" a stoodent sed. (Serena: No. Darwin's evolution and Pokemon evolution are completely different.)

"Pokmans is evul gaem mad by Bark Obema 2 trek pepul in2 beleev evilushan!" Mr Pixies sed. (Serena: Okay, no. No. NO! Absolutely not! Me: YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG! Serena: ...Was that Dangan Ronpa reference necessary? Me: Yes. Guntz: It's his catchphrase for fact checking. Me: Anyway, Pokemon was made in Japan, and Obama had no part in its creation. And as I said before, Pokemon evolution does not prove real life evolution. That's just a term in the Pokemon universe for Pokemon growing up. You're just making shit up just to demonize Pokemon even more. Serena: Couldn't have said it better myself.)

"u cant teech us tihs in siense clas its agenst the law" (Me: Okay, no it is not, but if he wants to teach religious history and all that stuff, that belongs to Social Studies.) Aney sed "im guna tell Borak Omaba and hes guna fier u!" (Guntz: Yes, because Obama doesn't have anything better to do than to personally solve or cause the problems of a single citizen. Amy: How would she even have his number or contact information? Palutena: All the perks of being  librul or consertativ in this universe, where everyone in each faction knows each other.)

"nut if i giv u ditenshun Miss Leonfart!" (Emil: Leonfart!? Me: *laughs*) Mr Pixar sed handen Aney a ditenshun. Mekasa was so hapey he wuz a reely grate teechur. (Midori: More like he's the worst teacher ever! Palutena: Now now, I think we can all agree that education goes a long way. Serena: Not with education like that.)

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Aney sed "and i want 2 be called Ms Lenohart not Miss Leanmart becuz ima lesban femnast!" (Amy: Okay, no. Ms. is used for divorced women, not for lesbians. Or for feminists. Me: Oh yeah, for those who forgot, Sara believes all feminists are lesbians. Amy: Wait, so just for fighting for girls' rights, you like to kiss girls? What the heck? Guntz: Welcome to this fanfic.)

"but i wont do that becuz lesbans and femanests r evul and ima Christen who worsheps Jesas adn God!" Mr Pixus sed. he was soch a grate teecher. Mekasa new shed hav a grate tim in siens clas 4 teh furst tim her in lyfe.

End Chapter 3

Me: I should have expected the demonization of science.
Serena: And that statement about Pokemon too... is she seriously this ignorant?
Guntz: Surprised?
Amy: Still, Pixis proves himself to be a horrible teacher. I'm pretty sure they have to teach Evolution. Then we got people like Sara.
Shulk: Everything about him is just wrong. He's basically teaching religion in a science class.
Midori: I'm pretty sure that's for social studies.
Emil: I can see this school probably has the lowest scores in every single test imaginable with Sara in tow.
Me: Yep.
Palutena: On the bright side, they will be wonderful assets to my army one day. Or the Underworld Army's if you want to go to the dark side.
Guntz: Anyway, let's move on to the cheerleding tryouts.
Amy: Where Sara- I mean Mikasa - will Mary Sue her way to the team.
Emil: At this point, nothing should come as a surprise anymore.

Start Chapter 4:

Summary: Mikosa trys ot for cherlead skwad. (Midori: And gets accepted because she is a huge Mary Sue.)

Notes: I new a librul wuld fine me an try to censore me evantully. (Guntz: Uh oh, someone call the police, we found a terrible fanfic and we're attempting to censor it.) i well niut stop wratin! (Emil: And thus, she'll never stop torturing us.) aned tahnks 2 teh pepol who gav kupos andd the persian who was so shacked by ho gud my storey wuz tay coldnt speek in ther comet. (Emil: I'm pretty sure that person was speechless in his comment for entirely different reasons.)

I alweys wantad 2 be a cherledur butt i wuz nevar gud enuf 2 maek the skwad in reel lif. lat yeer wen my bruther was in hi scol on teh fetbal teem my famely wud go2 hsi gams and i wud spind teh hole tim wachen teh cherledurs insted ofthe gam. tehy wer so pritty. (Midori: Okay, now that is so obvious you're in denial about being a lesbian. Amy: Who goes to a football game and spends the entire time watching the cheerleaders instead of the actual game!?) i tred ot 4 medol skul skwad but i wasnt gud enuf becuz the persan in charg was MEEN! (Me: Or maybe you weren't accepted because you suck. Serena: And the person in charge most likely said it in the nicest way possible and you're overreacting because you're all butthurt about not being accepted in the squad.) Mayby ill be gud enuf wen im in hi scul. Alos Mekasa frum Atok on Tito is rilly gud at jumpemn arond an stuf so shed proly mak a charlatan skwad. (Midori: And the fact that Mikasa is just a mask for you.)

CHAP 4: THR CHELLEATIN TYRUNTS (Serena: Tyrunts are cheerleaders! Emil: Wait, I thought she thought Pokemon is Satanic. Why did she spell a Pokemon's name? Guntz: It shows up everywhere.)

Aftur allof Mekasas clases skul was ovar and it wux tim 4 teh cherledun truots. Pitra teh hed cherleder was lederin the otter cherledrs becuz teh wer praktisen.

"Go Surly Karps!" (Shulk: Their mascot is a carp?) Teh sed that wuz teh fotbell teems naem at Atek On Titen Hi Skol. (Emil: So, the school's name happens to have the show's name with the words "high school" tacked on the end? Shulk: Most uncreative name ever.)

Mikosa nad Armen and Kresta and a buncha otter gurls wer tehre 2 tri ot. (Amy: Gee, why else would you be there? Palutena: To practice staring at them for the entirety of a football game! That's what! Midori: I'm pretty sure only perverted guys do that.)

"ok u muts be teh nude triots" (Emil: Oh god, are they going to get naked!?) Patre sed "im Perta Rel im teh moats poplar gurl in scule aned teh hed churledur." (Me: Oh, here comes the whole "I'm the most popular girl in school" thing we've seen in so many high school shows and movies. Thanks High School Musical, even though I actually thought the movies weren't so bad as people claimed they are.)

Pitra wuz so kool! Mekasa wantad 2 bee jus lik her! Than Tepra luked tords sumon in teh grope.

"YOU!!!" she sad. It wuz Aney!

"ono!" Mekasa sed.

"U CANT JOAN TEH CHERLEDUN SKWAD UR A LESBAN!!!" Patra sed.

"But i want 2 joyn teh skwad so ican rap u all!" Aney sed. (Midori: If that was your plan, why would you tell everyone that!? Guntz: Welcome to the Sara-verse, where villains are stupid enough to announce their evil plans out loud when there are clearly people who can stop that. Serena: Yes. Midori: Still, not that I'm advocating evil, but if she lied, her plan would be better. Serena: Such is the way of idiotic villains.)

"BUT IDONT WANT BE RAP!" PERTA SED.

"Tehn ill call Barok Obema and tel him ur bein discrimenat agenst lesbans and u wont be hed cherledur anemore!" (Emil: Because Obama will take the call of a random citizen and revoke Petra's position as head cheerleader. Midori: Again, why would you tell her that!?) Aney getted ot her fone.

"Ono!" Putra sed. Mekasa actad quackly she garved Aneys fone frum her and throwed it on teh grond then she steped onit untli it was borken intoo lik a bajillion peaces. Aney runed of cryen. (Amy: Mikasa better get detention for destroying someone's property. Shulk: Nope. Mary Sue.)

"Tanks u can jone teh skwad" Petrie sed. (Amy: So that's it? No test of skills? Just saving Petra's butt got her a free spot in the squad? Serena: Watch as Mikasa totally fails.)

"Yay!" Mikosa sed.

"Gud job!" Armun sed.

"Way 2 goo!" Kresta sed. (Guntz: Mikasa did nothing to prove herself! Shulk: It's like they'll put any girl in there.)

Ten tejh fetbal teem shoed up.

"Sup babe" it wuz Pteras bofrend Levy (Me: That's Levi Ackerman, and I'm not sure if he's related to Mikasa. But since according to Sara, this is an alternate universe, anything goes. Midori: Spoiler alert, but Petra and Levi being a couple becomes harsh in hindsight considering what happens to Petra.) he wuz a senyor on teh fotbel teem butt he wasnt teh karterbak taht was Rinner.

"This Frishman gurl savd me frum losen my positron (Palutena: Mikasa did good, she managed to keep Petra's particle safe!) as hed cherledur becuz a lesban wuz gunna cal Brock Oboma" Perta saed.

"Cool" Levo sed tehn he sad thaenks 2 Mikosa. Butthan Reener wanked up. (Midori: Reiner, keep your penis to yourself, thank you!)

"Ragnar r u gunna driv me hom aftur practes" Reyners sistur Sashs sed.

"ya" Renur sed.

"can u driv me hom 2" Mekoasa sed.

"Sorey i dont no wer u liv and my sistur lievs at teh sam hose as me" Reindeer sed. (Midori: Well duh, of course your sister lives in the same house as you! You don't need to tell her that!)

"Rienar man thes gurl savde my gurlfrend frum been arested by Barok Omaha u shuld drev her hom" Livey sed.

"ok ill driv u hom" Renar sed 2 Mekpsa.

"YAY!" Mekasa sed no she new hed dat her adn than noone wuld beleev Aney wen she sad Mekasa was a lesban becuz Mikosa isnt a lesban and shed prov taht by haven a bofrend. (Amy: Wait, what!?)

End Chapter 4

Amy: Sara thinks that having no boyfriend means people will call you a lesbian?
Me: Yep. So that means in Sara's logic, you're a lesbian because although you are chasing Sonic, you're not actually dating him.
Amy: Where is the logic in that!? In what way is being single equal to being gay?
Guntz, Shulk and Serena: There is none.
Midori: I questioned it too, so I know how you feel, Amy.
Emil: And I could be wrong, but didn't you say that there are cases where lesbians date men just to hide it?
Me: Yes.
Palutena: If it makes you feel better Amy, we're now a quarter of the way finished.
Amy: How does that make you feel any better?
Palutena: Because it means only 75% left of the fic has gone unread!
Amy: At least I don't have to sit here for the whole thing.
Shulk: Unlike us.
Guntz: I've read the entirety of the original Supper Smash Bros, so I've gotten used to it.
Serena: I would just like to warn all future guests to abandon all hope.
Amy: Oh joy.
Me: Anyway, that's the end of episode 2 of Let's Read Atak On Titen Hi Scule! See you next time!
Guntz: On whatever time he does the next episode. I hope never.