Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Guntz: I'm Guntz, and I'm ready to blow up this fanfic like I did with Supper Smash Bros.
Palutena: I'm Palutena, and we rode this train wreck quickly.
Emil: I'm Emil, and I wanna go home
Shulk: I'm Shulk. It's been 14 chapters and I'm still not feeling it.
Midori: Midori here, and we're getting closer to giving this fanfic Magical Punishment!
Serena: And I'm Serena. I have nothing else to say, other than bring it!
Palutena: And we do a repeat of last time by bringing in all the guests we've ever had in this reading!
Me: We kinda made it a tradition.
Serena: I'm surprised there isn't a lot of guests this time around.
Shulk: This fic is shorter compared to Supper Smash Bros.
Midori: Just imagine how big it would be once the real sequel begins.
Me: Let's not talk about that yet until the end.
Palutena: Anyway, our guests please?
Amy: Amy Rose here! People are allowed to love someone of the same gender too!
Marta: Marta Lualdi here too! Love comes in all forms! And you can't escape it, no matter who you love!
Atsuro: Hey guys, it's me Atsuro, and Attack on Titan has been crapped on enough!
Ash: I'm Ash Ketchum, and I don't want to be in this fic anymore.
Mario: It's-a me, Mario, and I'm ready to close another chapter of the Sara-verse.
Luigi: I'm Luigi, and at least we're one step closer to the end of the Sara-verse.
Peach: Peach here, and I'm prepared to end this fic, like I did with Supper Smash Bros.
Sonic: Sonic's the name, and reading bad fanfiction isn't my game.
Kirby: Hi! Kirby here! And I like food!
Me: And that's everyone.
Midori: I still can't believe the fanfic flew by that fast.
Palutena: Well, we do tackle two chapters each episode.
Shulk: It's two chapters too many!
Emil: At least it's better than one chapter per episode.
Serena: Otherwise, we would never finish.
Me: Yeah. So without further ado, welcome to the penultimate chapter of Atak On Titen Hi Scule!
CHAP 15: MAKASA STUPS OBEMA (Emil: And fails. I hope. Peach: According to the principles of Mary Sues, that'll never happen.)
Tat nite Mekasa wented 2 the wite hose 2 step Epona (Emil: Link is gonna be so mad that Sara stepped on Epona.) frum telan everonme seh wuz a lesban, becuz she was not a lesban. (Marta: Even though you've proven it without realizing it.) She didant go in2 the frant dore becuz thats ewer the gards prolly wod be. (Midori: Why the front door!? Guntz: She entered through the front door before.) She loked 4 the rome were Obuma wold giv speck. She founded it and went 2 widow. (Serena: Good to know the outer parts of the White House went unguarded.) Bark Obema was given speec rite than!
"My fillow Amerkans. I haev a impotent anoncement abot a gurl who goes 2 Atek on Titen Hi Scule. (Emil: I still can't get over the fact that the school's name happens to have the show's name.) Hre nam is Miksara Octagon..." (Ash: Mikasa's wasting her time doing this. Palutena: Obama's obviously going to tell everyone Miksara Octagon is a lesbian. Mikasa has nothing to worry about.)
"STOOP!!!" (Mario: I spy a stoop!) Matilda sed. (Me: Is Matilda gonna do her telekinesis and throw Obama out of the white house?)
"Its u!" Oboka sed "gards kil her!" (Shulk: I'm pretty sure presidents can't order guards to kill anyone that harms them.)
Sudanly the secrete servas tred 2 kell Mekasa, butt she was a asen so she noed marital arfs an stuf. (Atsuro: Oh, now that's just being a stereotype! Me: I know! I admit, that would be cool to know martial arts just for being Asian, but it's still a stereotype. Midori: I'm also pretty sure Mikasa's half Asian.) she beeted up the gards. (Serena: And she doesn't care that this is broadcasted live on TV? Amy: With everyone watching?)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Oboma sed.
"Now u wiell be defeet!" Mekasa sed.
"U cant defeet me Mekasa! I wil halp Aney spred lyes abot u!" Obqma sed. He puled ot his red litsabur (if u didant reed my otter storey than I ned 2 tel u Oboma is a seth lard) (Atsuro: Don't remind me.)
Lukily Mekasa was asain so she wuz relly gud at karat (Atsuro: Once again, just because you are Asian, doesn't mean you are automatically good at martial arts.) and she fotted Oboma and defet him. (Sonic: I knew I should have skipped the WBBE. Kirby: WBBE? Sonic: Worst Boss Beating Ever.)
"Ono!" Obaka sed. Than Mekasa piked up Oboma and throwed him in a nerby jale sell. (Mario: How convenient that a jail cell happens to be in the area.)
"Now Met Romnay is presadant!" she sad. (Me: YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG! That's not how it works! Should anything happen to Obama that would force his term to come to an end, the vice president, who is Joe Biden, takes over, not Mitt Romney!) And Mutt Rambo came.
"Mekasa is like a bajilon pervent strate!" (Me: Welp, an idiot is president now. He spoke like a stereotypical valley girl. Luigi: We also confirmed that Mikasa's a psychopath.) he sad. And than the speak was ovar and the noos pepol laft. Than Mekosa lefted 2.
Sorey this wuz a reely short chaptar. (Guntz: I don't care at all Sara.) I ackshully stil hav riters blok an stuf butt i had 2 put a chaptar her becuz i didant do on yestursday and its presadents day. (Serena: Writer's block is not an excuse!)
Palutena: Mikasa as the victor!
Guntz: Not surprised.
Midori: And now Mitt Romney is president!?
Mario: I'm pretty sure that's not how it works!
Peach: I know. It's Joe Biden that becomes president.
Luigi: Then again, this is Sara we're talking about.
Serena: Yes. Anything to put a republican on the president's position I guess.
Ash: I'm confused, why did Obama do a speech telling everyone Mikasa's a lesbian in the first place?
Emil: Because Obama has extra time to do that and wants to kill everyone's valuable time to tell us this.
Sonic: Yep. Who cares about the war in Iraq, the enviornment, and all the other world issues. The sexuality of this one particular citizen is way more important for the people to know!
Shulk: Worst leadership ever.
Kirby: At least it's not Sara as president!
Amy: I actually wouldn't put it past Sara to make herself president.
Marta: I'm actually scared to think about what would happen.
Atsuro: I still can't get over that one part where Sara thinks that being Asian makes us good at Martial Arts. Yes, I, for whatever reason, excel at physical attacks, but I suck at Martial Arts.
Guntz: Well, you're a computer nerd. Who's to say you hacked your stats so that you lean towards physical attacks.
Palutena: So guys, are you ready for the final chapter of Atak On Titen Hi Scule?
Emil: Let's just get this over with.
Me: Trust me, it'll be epic.
Shulk: And by epic, you mean terrible like the rest.
Chapter 16: Yes You Are, Sara (Me: I would like to point out that this chapter is also called. "IM TOTES NOT A LESBAN U GUYZ UHGROGBGIGREIBGI")
After somehow breaking into the White House despite being an ordinary high schooler with none of the skills she had in Attack on Titan (Midori: At least Lauren knows her stuff. Atsuro: Of course she does. She's smarter than Sara.), Mikasa left the White House completely oblivious to the fact that President Barack Obama was easily let out of his jail cell and the clearly deranged Mitt Romney was lead away to wherever he's living now. The President immediately returned to his actual presidential duties rather than attempting to run a single high school and making speeches about the sexual orientations of teenagers (Emil: We can all agree that Obama has more important things to do.), and he decided he probably shouldn't have eaten those brownies that Biden made. (Ash: So Joe Biden's brownies must be the culprit! Midori: It explains everything! Amy: Those brownies must be drugged. Guntz: ...I want those brownies.)
On her walk back home (I'm not exactly sure how far away Mikasa supposedly lives from the White House in this story's universe, but since she's stated to be a high school freshman there's no way she has a driver's license, so it has to be within walking distance) (Serena: At least the transportation plothole last chapter has been resolved, not that anyone cared.), she decided to walk by Annie's house while covering her face with her hand because she honestly thought that Annie was stupid enough to not realize that it was her.
"Mikasa? Are you some kind of stalker?" Annie said, even though she already knew the answer to that.
"No im jus Christopher Walken back 2 my hose!!!!111!!!" Mikasa said. (Peach: I love how Lauren retains the Sara style writing for Mikasa's lines. Sonic: I know. It's almost as if Lauren and Sara are the same person.)
"The road I live on has no outlet. There is literally no way this could be on your way," Annie said.
"Well ur a evul lesban!11!!!" Mikasa said. (Mario: I can imagine that's Sara's rebuttal to arguments agaisnt her. Luigi: Sara, I have evidence that you are a lesbian. Marta: *imitating Sara* Well, ur gay!1!!! Im strate, wich mens I no mor ten u! Emil: Way to imitate Sara's terrible English, Marta.)
"Um... we've been over this. We dated. We kissed. You're a lesbian, too, Mikasa. Deal with it," Annie said. (Serena: There's no running from it Sara. Shulk: Lauren knows it, we all know it, and you keep providing the evidence.)
"No imnot!" Mikasa said "Ur a evul lyar tryen 2 tune me into a lesban so u kan mak me ur evul luver!!!!"
"Honestly, Mikasa, I don't even care anymore. When we were together, you always kept talking about how what we were doing was 'wrong' and that you were praying to God to 'cure' us. I didn't like feeling like it was wrong to be happy. Also, you're a crazy bitch. You wimping out of coming out was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. Hopefully, you'll grow up someday and find true love with some other girl. But I doubt it. With Katy, I finally have someone who loves being in love with me, and I love being in love with her. I have my happiness, and I don't care if you hate that. The only thing I want from you is to stop stalking me all the time. Stop the creepy messages on Facebook. Just leave me alone!" Annie said. (Marta: Oh snap! Atsuro: Lauren totally owned you again, Sara!)
"Wah ur so meen!!!!!" Mikasa said. She ran off. (Ash: Because, well, Sara's being a baby about it.)
---
Suddenly, Armin woke up. (Guntz: So this whole time, this fanfic was a dream. Mario: By Armin, of all people. Kirby: Well, that was a rip-off.) The Survey Corps was on a mission deep in Titan country, and they were resting for the night in an alcove too small for the Titans to get in.
"Uh... Eren," he said, "I just had a weird dream."
"Were there Titans in it? Did I kill the dream-Titans?" Eren said. (Me: Even in the dream world, on that day, humanity received a grim reminder.)
"No, but Mikasa was crazy, and I was a girl, and a ten-year-old was teaching science to us, and..." (Sonic: And you were there, and she was there, and you were there...)
"Maybe you shouldn't have eaten Joe Biden's brownies, Armin," Mikasa said. (Midori: Armin must have a really twisted imagination if he dreamed up the events of this fanfic. Marta: Or maybe it was a nightmare. Serena: Or it's probably just the brownies. Peach: Definitely the brownies. Amy: What is in those brownies!? Emil: I think you're better off not knowing.)
---
Suddenly, in Number One Observatory Circle (I have to admit, I had to look up where the Vice President lives), Vice President Joe Biden woke up. (Emil: Wait, so this whole fanfic took place in Joe Biden's dreams? Marta: So Joe Biden dreamed about the Attack on Titan characters hating his brownies... Midori: And within that dream, Armin had his dream, which is this whole fanfic... Atsuro: GAH! So confusing! Me: We're getting inception up in here.)
"Jill!" he said "I had a dream that some characters from one of those Japanese cartoons didn't like my brownies." (Amy: Oh, so the brownies are the culprit.)
"Go back to sleep, Joe," Jill Biden said. (Palutena: Jill Biden is not amused.)
The End
Palutena: He just wanted people to taste his brownies!
Shulk: What's in them to have everyone be weird?
Emil: It's this fanfic. You don't wanna know.
Guntz: And with that, the second part of the Sara-verse is over.
Palutena: It felt too short.
Shulk: Trust me, it felt way too long, even compared to Supper Smash Bros.
Emil: Of course, we're not done yet.
Guntz: Oh yeah, there's the real sequel. And I'm staying full term.
Emil: Yep. Well, good luck Guntz!
Guntz: No you stay Emil! You're reading the real sequel with us!
Emil: No!
Me: Come on, Emil! It's gonna be fun!
Emil: You're seriously gonna force me to read it?
Palutena: It's tradition to have one new reader from each fic of the Sara-verse to go full time!
Serena: I'll send you some food Emil.
Midori: Good luck!
Shulk: At least you're reading it. I'm in it.
Emil: I hate my life...
Marta: I know you can survive Emil! Just call me if you need me!
Amy: Good luck to all of you for hte real sequel.
Sonic: You're going to need it.
Mario: It's 41 chapters long. Are you sure you want to do it
Me: I said I was going to tackle all parts of the Sara-verse.
Palutena: And me, Guntz and Emil will be alongside him!
Luigi: It's your funeral.
Atsuro: Yeah. Supper Smash Bros was hell enough, the sequel must be thousands of times worse.
Me: I'm sure I can manage.
Midori: Anyway, are you guys prepared to give this fic Magical Punishment!
Shulk: I'm really feeling it!
Serena: You know it!
Kirby: Will there be cake afterwards?
Peach: Yes there will!
Me: Anyway, Guntz, are the explosives ready?
Guntz: Yep! All chapters except Chapter 16 are set to be blown up!
Kirby: Why are you keeping Chapter 16?
Palutena: Because Lauren wrote it!
Shulk: That should be enough of an explanation.
Palutena: The countdown, if you please?
All: In 5... 4... 3... 2...
All but me: 1!
Atsuro: Again without the one Double Dee!?
Me: iCarly pushed me to do that! Do it Guntz! Blow up this fanfic so that we can move on to the sequel!
Midori: MAGICAL PUNISHMENT!
Guntz: DIE FANFICTION DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
I just have to say, read at your own risk.
The fanfiction (thankfully) does not belong to me. Here is the fanfiction:
archiveofourown.org/works/1165…
Characters belong to their respective owners (and that's how it should be)
