Let's Read Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God Ep16

Episode 16: Team Lauren!

Me: Hey guys, it's me Double Dee with episode 16 of Let's Read Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God, with only two more episodes to go.
Guntz: I still wish were were done with it already.
Palutena: What if I were to tell you that he's lying and there's actually 41 more chapters after Chapter 35?
Atsuro: SERIOUSLY!?
Palutena: Yes, and that's all for the se-
Me: Don't give it away Lady Palutena!
Robin: She was gonna say sequel, and there's actually 41 chapters to the sequel!?
Wii Fit Trainer: And we're gonna read that after this fic!?
Palutena: Either that, or the Attack on Titan fanfic.
Me: Palutena, are the festivities ready?
Palutena: I decided to save the big festivities for the last episode! Until then, here's popcorn for everyone! *hands everyone a popcorn bag*
Guntz: Why do you have four more?
Palutena: For our guests, of course! And it's the guests we've been saving for this episode!
???1: It's-a me, Mario! And I hate this fic already.
???2: Hey, this is Sonic the Hedgehog! And I am so glad you guys are almost done with this wretch fest of a fic!
???3: I'm Mega Man, and I wouldn't with this fanfic on my worst enemy. I wouldn't even want Dr. Wily to read this unless he's into this sort of fic.
???4: I'm Pac-Man, and I brought loads and loads of food!
Me: Yep! It's the four big stars of Smash 4!
Guntz: You are a crazy person to subject them to this peice of crap.
Sonic: I've read the whole thing ready. And now I wish I didn't.
Mega Man: If Guntz was any indication, this is gonna bring out the worst in everyone.
Pac-Man: Ooh! Popcorn! *eats his bag of popcorn in one bite, bag and all*
Palutena: Don't worry, I got more!
Atsuro: This part of the reading has been marked mature for popcorn porn.
Robin: At least we're almost to the end.
Guntz: That's when I start to blow the fanfic up once we're done. Yes, I'm gonna blow up this fanfic again, even if it kills me.
Palutena: I'm the Goddess of Light and I approve of everyone's eating habits and Guntz's explosives.
Atsuro: Oh, the finale will be an epic one indeed.
Me: Especially considering that it could be my 200th submission!
Mario: Shall we proceed?
Me: Proceed will shall!

Start Chapter 31

Summary: Sara and frends jon the Confaderat Armey. (Mega Man: To screw up the timeline even more.)

Notes: 2moro is Laurens birtday so their wel be a speshul treet 4 u pepole. Lauren wrot a chaptat of this storey (Guntz: Hopefully better than the steam pile Sara produced.) and ill put it her (Mega Man: You're putting WHAT in her!? Me: Oh my!). Laurens chaptar taks plase duren this on so the excitin clifhangar that this chap endz on wont be resalvd intil sonday. (Guntz: Look at how many shits I give! Atsuro: Absolutely none!) Im sad 2 say that thes storey is almost ovar. (Sonic: WHOO!!!!! Mario: It's almost over!) Chaptar 35 is gonna be the last chap. (Guntz: You know, part of me should feel sad because you are sad that the fic is almost over, but the other part of me, which is 99.9% of me, doesn't give a shit!) So stay tund 4 the epac concussion! (Robin: This fic in its entirety is a concussion already. Wii Fit Trainer: The finale will certainly be an epic one.) My fanes will hav 2 fined sumthin eels to reed aftar that I rekamend the Bibal and Atlus Shagged both of thos boks r as gud and wel-writan as this storey (Me: I've never read Atlas Shagged, but you dare compare Ayn Rand's work to this shit!? Mario: She's done it before and she'd do it again.) an sois Twilit so maybe u can red that 2. (Robin: NO!!! FOR THE LOVE OF NAGA, PLEASE NO! Pac-Man: And now I've lost my appetite.)

CHAP 31: TEH WAR OFF NORTON REGRESSION (Me: Nortan has regressed as a virus protection company.)

“So im of 2 fite the battal of geticeberg” Genital Li sed “who wans 2 cum with me” (Wii Fit Trainer: Ew.)

“I do” I sed.

“Sorry but no womans alod in the miltry yet” Genital Li sid. I forgat abot that. All of the smashers who wer duds (Guntz: The Smashers are all duds.) war alod 2 joyn the confaderat army and so cold Samas becuz she was wering her armoire so noone cold tel she was a women (Robin: And they don't question the Varia Suit at all. Okay.). But Lauren and Me and Zalda and Patch and Jigalopuff and the gurl Ike Climer (Me: Her name is Nana! Sonic: All the pink things.) werent alod in the miltray. Nomely that wode be gud becuz a womans plas is at hom not at the battalfeld (Me: YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG! A woman can be anywhere they want to be! Molly Pitcher fought in the revolutionary war!) but I neded 2 be the on 2 defet Satin and Oboema and Mikhail Jaxun. (Mario: And yet, Sara does nothing good at all. Robin: Mary sue. In fact, I have something to say about Sara! Me: Save it until after the chapter.) So Me and Lauren and the otter gurls waked away and came back wering fak moosetouches. (Atsuro: Seriously? Wii Fit Trainer: Fake mustaches still don't solve the four problems of girls in disguse: Hair, face and boobs. Mega Man: That's three. Wii Fit Trainer: Two boobs.)

“Hi who r yall” Genital Li saif. (Robin: Somehow, I'm not surprised he's not seeing the obvious truth that they're girls, considering everyone in this story is dumb.)

“We r manely mans and we want 2 jon ur armey” I sed.

“Wats ur nam” Genital Li siad.

“Sara” I sed. (Mario: Bravo Sara, you just basically gave yourself away.)

“Bit Saras a gurl nam” Genital Li sod.

“Yea but this is a difrant tim I men theres a dud namd ashley in gong of the win so wy cant their be a dud namd Sara” I sed. (Me: YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG! Sonic: Okay, you need to stop that. Me: I like saying that when fact checking! Anyway, yes the character's name is Ashley, but that's his middle name. His full name is George Ashley Wilkes. Why he chose to refer himself by his middle name, I'll never know until I watch Gone With the Wind. And speaking of it, that movie took place AFTER the Civil War. It's also common practice to give guys girls' names.)

“I c ur pint” Genital Li sed “but im stil nut convansed I men u lok lik a buncha gurls in fak mostuches. (Atsuro: Because they are. Wii Fit Trainer: Can't you see the obvious boobs!? Robin: Logic guys.) Their neds 2 be a taste. (Pac-Man: Or, you can just rip the fake mustaches off! Just watch as I demonstrate with Ma- Mario: Pac-Man, no!) Wy dont u nam al the NFL teems.” (Atsuro: You serious? Wii Fit Trainer: The NFL weren't around at that time!)

I new sum of the NFL teems but not al of tham soi got ot my ifone and loked it up. (Wii Fit Trainer: That iPhone shouldn't even work at that time period! Robin and Guntz: Logic. Don't put it in here. Palutena: Nonsense, put all logic here. How else would they try to communicate with their troops? Mario: ...You're enjoying this, aren't you?) I tolled the nams 2 Genital Li.

“Thats rite and the ifone hasnt ben invanted yet soi dont no wat that is ur holden. (Mega Man: If they haven't been invented yet, then he shouldn't know what they are! Guntz: In Logic Land, but this isn't Logic Land.) R fones can onely cal pepole and sand taxt massages and picturs u cant go onlin on tham. (Atsuro: They shouldn't even have a phone in the first place because they haven't been invented at the Civil War! Mega Man: And even if they were, I highly doubt it would text and go online. ) Alos the onely intranet we hav is dallup lik at ur grandmas hose so I dont thank its possabal 2 get the info onlin that fasst” Genital Li sad. (Atsuro: There shouldn't be any internet at that time period at all!)

“Ur faseboks must tak 4evar 2 lode” I sed.

“Fasebok hasnt ben invanted yet (Atsuro: Again, you shouldn't know about Facebook if it didn't exist yet.) ether we stil us myspas in this tim. (Atsuro: Dude, she seriously thinks that the Civil War took place about 60 years ago or something? Robin: Are you really asking for any historical accuracy coming from Sara at this point of the fanfic?) It taks evan lunger tho becuz everon has musac on ther profils tho” Genital Li sid.

“Do u hav Taylar Swuft on ur profel” I sed. (Atsuro: Really? You're asking someone from the CIVIL FRICKIN' WAR about Taylor Swift!? Palutena: No, she's asking about Taylar Swuft, and her hit single Loaf Story.)

Genital Li shuck his hed and sad “she hasnt ben borne yet. (Atsuro: Then how would you know who she even is if she wasn't born yet!? Sonic: Hey At-Low, you okay?) Mos of us lissen 2 Willy Nalson and Meral Hagerd and Charly Danels and Jony Cahs.”

“There al gud 2 4 a buncha old guys” I sed. (Atsuro: Is she implying that old music isn't good at all!?)

“Ok enuf talken we ned 2 get 2 geticeberg 2 fit the yankys” Genital Li sad. So we al stated marchin. We marthed 4 a few dais (this is the patr that Laurens chaptar taks plas duren) b4 we runned into sum1.

“Prepair 2 dye sothern skum!” We herd. We loked arond an sawed GENITAL USELESS GRUNT (Me: Ew. Sonic: Is he a Team Rocket Grunt that has absolutely no power that's leading them? Palutena: Prepare for trouble! I suck!) AND THE ANTIRE YANKY ARMEY!!! The battal of getyzbirg was abot 2 began! Expect this tim I had 2 halp the Soth win in order 2 win the war lik there suposed 2. (Atsuro: YOU'VE GOT THAT WRONG! Gettysburg was NOT the deciding battle of the entirety of the Civil War you dumb- Robin: That's logic, Otakuro!)

End Chapter 31

Me: So...
Atsuro: Dude, she think the Civil War takes place not that long ago, and all those time paradoxes!
Palutena: I dunno, I think they're a part of history as well. I mean, how else can they communicate with their troops without phones? They also must have visions of the future if they can know about things that don't exist at that time.
Atsuro: Lady Palutena... PLEASE tell me you're trolling.
Palutena: What's trolling?
Sonic: *whispers* I think she is.
Robin: Oh god, how I hate Sara even more.
Me: Oh yeah, Robin, your thing about Sara?
Robin: Glad to. It's been established that she's the chosen one, right?
Me: Yeah?
Robin: Okay. So here's the main question. What exactly has she done!? How has her character developed throughout the story!? How does she contribute!? The answer to all those: She doesn't! She has all these powers from God, which should make her all powerful, but she gets scared way too easily and is too stupid to even remember that she can use her powers in the first place. In fact, all she does is stand there and look dumb, and yet somehow she wins all the time. And the few times it looks like she will lose, Deus Ex Machina saves her. Or better yet, when she actually does lose, it has no meaning to it! And I bet it's obvious to everyone, but this fic is used to repress her lesbian desires for her friend Lauren, who I feel really sorry for at this point. Oh, and she effortlessly gets dates with guys, all just to keep up her image as a straight girl, and she has no emotional attachment to them. And let's not forget her stupidity about everything aside from the grammar, from the screw-ups with history, science, and the misuse of the word "Athiest." It's like all she does is search something up on Google for five seconds and says that's her research. Overall, this girl is a waste of space and should stay as far away as possible from anyone with an IQ. Thank you.
All: *claps*
Mario: 10/10 on the speech.
Atsuro: 10/10, will destroy fanfiction.
Palutena: 7.8/10, too much ranting.
Wii Fit Trainer: Palutena, this is hardly the time.
Guntz: I'd wipe my ass with it.
Pac-Man: Thanks for sharing Guntz...
Sonic: Still, Robin has a point in all that.
Palutena: By the way, I have a special treat for you all, and it's all in the next chapter.
Me: It's really good.
Guntz: You better be right.

Start Chapter 32

Summary: Guest Chapter! Lauren reflects on her close friendship with Sara. (Atsuro: Oh my god! Are these words... spelled correctly!? Guntz: What world is this!? Palutena: Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you to the Lauren chapter! Robin: I'm crying tears of joy! It's only the summary and I'm already happy! Wii Fit Trainer: I feel invincible!)

Notes: Hi! Lauren here! This is my chapter of my BFF Sara's fanfic. I decided to post this before anyone gets here for my party (except for Sara, who stayed the night). I have never written fanfiction before, so I don't know if this will be good or not. (Guntz: We haven't even read the actual chapter yet, and this is already the best chapter of the entire fic.) I asked to write this chapter because I want to tell y'all about the real Sara. The Sara I know, the Sara when we're alone together, is a kind, beautiful girl. (Robin: *gags* Pac-Man: I vomited a little. Guntz: Excuse me while I go vomit.)

Also, Sara wants me to remind y'all that we're NOT a lesbian couple . (Sonic: Really now?) Also, that was just a semicolon and a parentheses. Pay no attention to the wink that it wasn't. I just like to put random punctuation at the end of my sentences sometimes. (Wii Fit Trainer: I see Lauren has a sense of humor. Me: Lauren is my type of girl!) Yeah. Look, here's a hashtag and one of those “and” things that I forget the name of: #&. (Palutena: That's the secret of the whole universe! Sonic: Print it! Post it on Twitter! Atsuro: Let's get it trending!)

Now, here is my chapter. It's set the night before the end of the last chapter. I'll leave the battle with the Northerners to Sara herself. Also, it's from my point-of-view instead of Sara's.

(Me: Okay, the following paragraph was written sometime in August last year, right around the time Shulk was first revealed to be in Smash 4.)

Hi, It's Lauren again, coming to edit this chapter I wrote over a year and a half ago. Sara got her account back from when I got in last time to put an end to her Attack on Titan story... (Guntz: Ooh, I'm starting to like this girl! Pac-Man: Revenge is sweet! Like cake!) and immediately changed the password back to what it was before, and said that she did that in the first chapter of her new story. I'd change the password and lock her out again, but that would just lead to her bothering me more. (Guntz: It'd be worth it if it stops Sara from writing ever again.) I'm sorry for selfishly allowing Sara to write more of her new story just so that I don't have to deal with her in real life. (Me: Don't blame yourself Lauren. Mario: Sara's just crazy.) I can say I'm really embarrassed by this chapter. (Mega Man: ...Why? Robin: It's still better than this fic as a whole.) I just want to tell you to ignore everything good I say about Sara in here. She is a horrible person. (Wii Fit Trainer: As if we haven't figured it out at this point.) I was blinded by love when I wrote this (Yes, we were dating when Sara wrote this. Sara and I are lesbians, even though Sara still denies it. (Robin: Again, kinda obvious, but thanks for the confirmation.) But if you got this far in the story, I'm sure you figured that out already. We broke up about six months or so after this story ended). (Atsuro: I'd dump a girl if she was that crazy too.) If any of the people doing commentaries on this story are reading this (both the written commentaries all over the internet (Me: That's us! All: YAAAAAAYYYYY!!!) and the dramatic readings on Youtube), you are awesome. And be sure to have barf bags at the ready so you have something to puke into when you read this chapter. (Palutena: I'm happy to tell you that your popcorn bags also double as barf-bags, so once you're finished with your popcorn, feel free to use it as a barf bag. Pac-Man: Wait, you mean these are actual barf bags!? Me: Shut up. This would make Viridi happy that we're eating popcorn out of unused barf bags, then using them as such... I hope.) I know I need one. And, Sara, calling me dumb and making fun of my new girlfriend's nose is not going to get me back. Deal with it. It's August 30, 2014 at about 9:45 PM in my time zone, so just compare that to what time it is when you're reading it and you'll know how long my edit has been here without Sara noticing. (Me: I will be happy to announce that as of June 30th, 2015, this edit still remains in the fic! Atsuro: Seriously!? Man, Sara must be that dumb!)

CHAPTER 32: THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP (Guntz: R.I.S Sara and Lauren's friendship. Born whenever, died in 2013.)

I waited inside our tent for Sara to arrive, for the stench of sweaty men with 1860s bathing standards that wafted over the encampment to be gone, (Atsuro: Oh my god, that's funny! And it's intentionally funny! It doesn't rely on spelling errors to make a joke! Robin: I feel happiness!) replaced by Sara's sweet aroma of a summer's day in a field of flowers. (Robin: And my happiness died.) As she entered, I looked up, and I got lost in her azure orbs as I have many times before. Her long, golden locks flowed down her back in waves, like a field in the fall ready for harvest. (Pac-Man: At least Lauren told us to ignore the constant gushing about Sara.) She smiled at me, which was like spring coming to her face, though it revealed teeth as white and perfect as a winter's snow. She was the best of all four seasons in one very beautiful girl. (Guntz: Four seasons of SHIT!)

She sat down next to me and we held each others hands. I loved to feel the softness of her skin the color of porcelain that reminded me of the elegance of the vampires in Twilight. (Mega Man: Now I need to vomit. Unless she replaces Twilight with Demitri Maximoff from Darkstalkers.) (One more added note for Past-Me: Twilight sucks, watch Hunger Games instead. Or wait until Guardians of the Galaxy comes out. That's a great movie) (Me: YES! I still haven't watched Guardians of the Galaxy though... I really want to.) My skin was darker than hers. To the untrained eye, it appeared that I merely had a tan. However, it actually revealed the truth of my ancestry. My biological father, who died in a car crash when I was just one year old, was half-black. It was common knowledge that the man that my mother was married to was actually my stepfather and that my real father was dead, but my real father's race was known only to a select few people in our hometown in South Carolina. (Wii Fit Trainer: So... how are Sara and Lauren friends in the first place if she's racist?) If Sara's parents or older brother knew that I was one quarter African-American, they would never allow Sara and myself to associate with one another. Sara's mother would not even allow my mother into their Bible study if they knew that her childrens' father was half-black. Sara knew the truth, however, and our very close friendship continued to thrive despite it. (Me: Well, keep in mind, this is rose-colored glasses here. Mega Man: Poor Lauren. Sonic: If only she could take her gushing back.) I new that Sara's occasional seemingly racist statements were nothing but a desperate attempt to earn the love and respect of her parents, not a reflection of her own deeply-held beliefs. (Mario: Now I'm torn whether I should feel sorry for Sara or Lauren... probably Lauren. Guntz: Based on what we've seen with Sara, everything Lauren gushed about Sara is probably completely backwards. Robin: Also, "knew" was spelled wrong, but that's just one typo. Atsuro: One compared to Sara's bajillion. Palutena: Everybody makes mistakes. Me: Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about, everybody gets that way. Guntz: Are you singing Hannah Montana!? Me: That was Miley Cyrus in her glory days! Before she started twerking.)

“I know I should probably be spending some time with Marth, but...” Sara whispered to me.

“You don't love him, do you?” I got close to her face to whisper back, getting lost in her pleasing olfactory sensation. She shook her head. Her beautiful smile went back into hiding.

“I didn't really love Link or Cloud either. (Robin: It's kinda obvious at this point.) You know that. I mean, Link and Cloud are both legendary heroes with a lot of battle experience and Marth is a fricking PRINCE. I figure if I bring a guy like that home...” Sara stated.

“It's your parents, isn't it?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

“It's just that... I want them to remember they have a daughter, not just a house pet who they have to give money to sometimes. It's always 'Josh this' and 'Josh that' with them. 'Josh made the varsity football team as a freshman!' 'Josh caught a pick-six to defeat our school's rival and take our team to the playoffs!' 'Josh is dating the Homecoming Queen!' 'Josh got a scholarship to some random Division III school that's TOTALLY going to lead to him becoming the Great White Hope of the NFL, and South Carolina and Alabama and Michigan and all those other schools that turned him down are going to be sorry!' I just want them to say something like 'Sara is dating the Prince of Altea',” Sara spoke. (Me: So we have Sara struggling with Josh being the favored child. Wii Fit Trainer: Still doesn't excuse her behavior. Me: Good point.)

“If you want to know the truth, I don't really love Ike either. I'm only dating him to give us an excuse for all those double dates. To spend more time with you,” I admitted. Plus, I was pretty certain that Ike was gay for that Soren guy from his game, but I left that part out. (Me: ...I actually haven't played Path of Radiance or Radiant Dawn to fact check that one. Robin: Even the history books about the Radiant Hero doesn't know if this is true.)

“I know,” Sara nodded. We talked together for what seemed like just a few more minutes, but was really several hours. When I got out my phone to check the time, I was shocked. (Robin: I guess Lauren's going along with the history errors. Guntz: She's being too nice!)

“According to what I learned in history class, the Battle of Gettysburg is supposed to start tomorrow... er, today since it's after midnight,” I stated frantically, “we should really get some sleep.”

I wondered if the influence of time travelers again was going to change anything, like making Ulysses Grant the commander of the Yankee forces here instead of George Meade. (Mega Man: Someone's been doing her homework.) I decided not to dwell on it though.

“Good night, Lauren,” Sara said. I kissed her on the forehead.

“Good night, Sara,” I said. We both laid down to sleep.

End Chapter 32

Me: And with that, we finished the best chapter of the entire fic.
Atsuro: And I miss Lauren already.
Sonic: Me too.
Robin: *sobbing*
Wii Fit Trainer: Are you crying!?
Robin: I'm just sad that we have to leave Lauren and go back to more Sara again!
Sonic: Lauren will be missed.
Palutena: RIP Lauren, even though she's alive.
Guntz: Wow... just for the Lauren chapter alone, I had no suicidal thoughts. That's a new record since starting this fanfic.
Mario: I have to say, despite the other chapters around it, the Lauren chapter was pretty good.
Sonic: Kick-ass chapter, that's for sure!
Mega Man: It's everything Sara isn't!
Pac-Man: After 31 chapters of poop, we hit the paradise spot!
Robin: I know! The chapter was well written, the characters are given more depth, it's very descriptive, the imagery is vivid, it's basically the polar opposite of Sara!
Mario: I know. Lauren feels ashamed she wrote this? She shouldn't be.
Wii Fit Trainer: She should have done more fanfics after this.
Robin: She could write a book with this much skill.
Me: Now we have to go back to Sara.
Atsuro: It's all downhill from here.
Palutena: On the bright side, we only have three more chapters to go, and the next episode will be the last!
All: Yay!
Palutena: And I have the festivities ready for the finale!
Me: Yes! So with that, I will see you guys for the finale of Let's Read Supper Smash Bros Mishonh From God!
Guntz: Oh, and Sara, Lauren totally owned you.
Me: Wanna do it? Together?
Guntz: Oh yeah.
All: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SNAP!
Palutena: 7.8/10. Too Much "oh".
Guntz: Palutena. Shut up.